On Reframing
Sometimes you have to let go of what you want…
To discover something even better.
Our brains are wired to plan.
We set goals and chase them.
We tell ourselves stories about what we want and why we want it.
Those stories become part of our identity.
Usually, only a setback makes us stop.
Something happens, and suddenly we can’t get what we want.
We dwell on it.
We feel stuck.
We sit with all the negative emotions.
Eventually, we start to want something else.
And often, that new desire turns out even better.
But here’s the thing.
You don’t have to wait for setbacks.
You can choose to step back yourself.
Pause the chase for a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days.
When you stop obsessing over that thing you’re after,
you create space to discover something new.
Something you might like even more.
Related concepts in cognitive behavioral therapy include cognitive defusion and cognitive restructuring.
Cognitive defusion is about seeing thoughts as just thoughts.
Cognitive restructuring is about reframing beliefs and patterns.
In mindfulness-based approaches, related concepts are non-attachment and letting go of clinging, which involve releasing rigid desires and opening up to the present moment.
This morning in Guam, I was looking for a taxi.
Taxis here are expensive.
Just two kilometers can cost $25 or more.
I spent some time wrestling with the local taxi apps.
They all seemed to be in cahoots.
There’s no Uber here either.
At some point, I just let go of the taxi idea.
Maybe I was approaching this the wrong way.
I learned most tourists simply rent cars.
Rentals are cheaper.
Around $30 per day, even less if you rent for multiple days.
Once I sorted the rental, I was figuring out where to have lunch.
I started comparing places.
Checking reviews.
Looking at maps.
Then I paused again.
Let go of the planning.
And realized the best place was a hundred meters from where I stood.
Locals love it.
It turned out to be one of the best meals I’ve had here.
Nothing this morning went exactly as planned.
But by stepping back from what I originally wanted,
first the taxi, then the perfect lunch spot,
I ended up discovering better outcomes.
A rental car for the next few days.
A great local meal.
And overall, a much better experience.
And actually, the best example is this blog post itself.
I didn’t plan to write it.
It just came out once I stopped trying to control everything.